Dealing with disapproval

by Crystal Paine

I came across your website last night and was inspired as I read through your blog entries. I am 21 and, to the dismay of many people, have not attended college. I was accepted at several different colleges, but the Lord clearly shut the door of opportunity at each step of the way, mostly by not making it financially feasible for me to attend. I have had many people look down on me and quite a few tell me that I will never make anything of my life unless I further my education through college. I am currently working full-time as a medical biller, but my ultimate goal and what I truly believe to be my "calling" in life is to be a wife and mother. What are your suggestions for dealing with the constant disapproving comments that others make because I have not furthered my education? - Angel

Hello, Angel! Thanks for writing. I read your email and remembered all too poignantly how it feels to be what seems like the only girl alive not in college (I know that's a bit of an exaggeration, but there were certainly times when it felt that way!). It seemed everyone felt it was their duty to weigh in on my "predicament" and tell me why they thought it was so important I go to college. Even now, believe it or not, I still get a lot of condescending remarks from people because I'm an "uneducated housewife."

Let me start by saying that I'm not completely opposed to girls going to college. I think there are circumstances where God directs a young lady to pursue higher education (either through her parents or when circumstances or the calling of God dictate such). However, I think such circumstances should be more the exception, than the norm. In today's society, college is highly overrated. It's as if the only way to learn anything is by going to college. All other learning methods and study methods are second class compared to it. I'm not sure where that nonsense originated - maybe from college professors or the colleges themselves? Yes, there are some good things you can learn from some colleges, but much of what is considered "learning" is not preparing you for real-life. In fact, many of the things taught are completely meaningless and often unbiblical. Despite what the world says, there are many other ways to learn most things than through spending four years of your life being "indoctrinated" by humanistic professors.

However, that said, spouting off something like the above paragraph to everyone of your naysayers is probably not going to be a very effective tool in earning anyone's respect. So, what should your response be?

First off, realize that oftentimes when God calls you to something, it doesn't mean other people will understand. In fact, many times they won't. He requires faithfulness and obedience from you, whether or not other people understand or agree. There are so many examples of people in the Bible and throughout history who stood for what was right, no matter what kind of criticism they received. If you are ridiculed for your obedience to God, don't feel sorry for yourself. Instead, rejoice that your faith is being strengthened through adversity. I'm sure it won't be the last time in your lifetime that it happens so it can be an excellent learning and growing experience.

Secondly, don't be ashamed at the path you are taking. Following God is never something to feel embarrassed about. I remember when I was nearing my high school graduation and I started receiving the usual barrage of "what-are-you-going-to-do-now?" questions. At first, I was really timid to answer and felt a nervousness arising inside whenever the subject was broached. My older sister had gone to college with the direction and blessing of my parents and it was just assumed I would follow suit. My parents were open to however God led me and I felt really strongly that college wasn't what God was calling me to. I had so many opportunities for ministry in my home, in our church, and in our community and so many different things I wanted to learn, to read, to explore, to do, there wasn't time in my day for it all and I couldn't imagine trying to squeeze in four years of college, too. What was I ashamed of? I had a full and wonderful life of learning, growing, serving, loving... why should I shrink to share about it with others when they asked? And so I began viewing the "What do you do?" question not as a dread, but an opportunity to share how God was leading me. I found that if I answered matter-of-factly and genuinely that I was busy serving my family, teaching violin, working part-time as a waitress, and publishing a newsletter for young women worldwide, among many other things, most people were actually very courteous and often acted pretty impressed that without being a full-time college student, I didn't seem to be wasting my time. By being confident in God's calling and leading in my life and not pandering around for an answer or mumbling something about "I'm not sure," I was able to gain the respect of many would-be naysayers.

Sometimes, though, no matter your confidence or well-prepared answer, people are still going to disaprove. Don't let it worry you or dishearten you. Let it, instead, motivate you to pray for these people, to show love towards them, and to be a Godly example of a contented, selfless, virtuous woman. The way you live your life is often much more powerful than anything you could say. So keep on, keeping on. The Lord will richly bless you for your faithfulness!

Related: Here's an answer I gave to a discontented young single girl recently. I also recommend you get a copy of my latest book, Handmaidens of the Lord. It was written to be an encouragement to young women like you.

Crystal Paine is a 24-year-old homeschool graduate from Topeka, Kansas. She is the blessed wife of Jesse and joyful mother of Kathrynne. Visit her site, Biblical Womanhood, for books, articles, encouragement, and inspiration!

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